Yesterday was not a good day.
After my gut wrenching bowel issues for 24 hours straight, I finally got off work, made it to the grocery store, and was on my way home... Only to pull into my subdivision and see flashing lights behind me. Up walked the biggest idiot cop I have ever laid my eyes upon.
"Do you have ANY idea why i pulled you over?" he says, as he slowly swallows the last of his chocolate sprinkled donut.
"No sir" I say.
He pulls up both sides of his pants like Chris Farley in an SNL skit. "You just blew through that stop sign back there. I have seen alot of people blow through stop signs in my life and let me tell you, that's the worst one I have EVER seen. You mean to tell me you don't remember doing that?"
I stare at him for a good 45 seconds, trying to figure out how the heck he got his shorts on. "Honestly no, I dont remember if I came to a complete stop or not." I cheerily reply.
He smirks and gives me his best "I'm smart, youre dumb" kind of laugh.
I smile and wink. Then start singing to the song on the radio as he stares at his moose knuckle in my side mirror. He slowly walks backward towards his car, "safety first," he thinks in his head, "This could be an aggressive one."
He gets in his truck and sits for a good 20 minutes while my Peanut Butter Explosion Ice Cream melts in the back seat. He then proceeds to strut back towards my car window, he bends over, and says "Well, I have written you up for a traffic violation." I say "Sure, thanks."
He advises me to drive safer, and reiterates that he can't BELIEVE how I blew through that stop sign, then adds "Did you not notice that there was a truck and trailer on the right that was obstructing your view." I reply "Yep i saw it." He walks away, in his glory.
I proceed to drive home and then eat every ounce of my peanut butter explosion ice cream and vow to blow through that stop sign a little faster next time. Just to prove that I can.
County Mounty moves on to his next victim, one step closer to saving the world. Maybe the next stop sign blower will tell him his balls are showing. Because they were.
5 comments:
When it rains...it pours! That's our motto in the Bateman family! So sorry to hear you had a bad day, thanks for making me laugh at it though...funny post!
Emily the OUTLAW! Call me when you need me to post bail : )
Ya gotta have KIDS to get out of these situations...for instance..Coming home from Utah with the kids, I got pulled over for going 95 in a 65 mph zone! I blamed it on Colton needing to GO BAD! He asked if I saw the town I just passed...OOPS. I couldnt find ANY proof of insurance either to top it all off! He let me go with a WARNING...WHEW! Then I would have needed to call you to get me and my kids out of jail!
~Nat
Nice job, Nascar. That Mazda a little too much muscle for a perty young thang like you? At least he didn't make you get out and frisk you with that moose knuckle.
All i can think of when I see this pic is your dad's halloween costume! mwahaha!
Mutt, what you should have said to him was: "I saw dat, you did that intentional, you gonna wade to your grave, I gonna barbeque your ass in molasses!" "The first thing I'm gonna do when we get back to Texas is punch your mama right in the mouth!" -Beauford T. Justice I promise the cop would be laughing so hard he wouldn't have wrote you up. Of course you also could have asked him how much it costs to have your nut hairs weaved like that!
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