Buffalo Betty.

That's my new name. If I were to ever be the hot girl on jeopardy, which is very possible, that would be it. On Saturday we had the pleasure of going to Cowboy Poetry in Heber with all of Blake's family. This is a huge event every year with tons of great poetry, music, and various auctions. Yes, I put the word "auctions" in Italics for a reason. Perhaps because, I despise them. Here's the story.

We were filing into our seats in the auditorium, a little early just to be nice. There were going to be a few poems read, some nice musical numbers, and the finale would be the Bar J Wranglers. Unfortunately, we couldn't fast forward to all these good parts that I just mentioned. We had to do an auction first. As Blake and I are getting ready to sit down, literally half way bent over, cheeks almost touching the seat, an old man with a long gray ponytail interrups us. We straighten back up, and I tower over this short fellow. He then asks Blake "Is this your sister?" We look at each other and laugh. "Uh no, this is my wife." "Well can I borrow her, how much does she cost?" the man replies. I wait to hear my husbands response to that. "She is priceless to buy, but you could borrow her for a fee." That was the end of me. After more chit chat about how tall I am and how i like my meat cooked, I am beginning to think this gentleman needs nothing and is about to go about his way, not so. "No really, we need you to be our Vanna White for the auction." He grabs my hand and before I know it I'm in front of the entire crowd and the announcer is yelling "Everyone say hello to.... ("What's your name?" he says to me) Say hellllooo to Emilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"

I am white as a ghost. The entire row of Wildes is laughing and pointing.

I pinch myself to see if this is a nightmare, praying it is. But before you can say Sasquatch I have buffalo bags, giant Elk Horns, and various beaver necklaces thrown into my hands and am running up and down the aisles "displaying" them as the announcer talks his auctioneer jibberish. I swear to you that auction lasted hours. By the time I was done I was sweating and covered in buffalo hair. I hope next year they pick Blake to be Vanna. Buffalo Betty has served her term.